Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

In addition to all my tension, worry, stress and upset because my dad is in the hospital recovering from a stroke (almost 1000 miles away), yesterday was stinky because:

Jeep broke a beautiful little dish that I brought back from Japan over ten years ago.

CeCe "the Destroyer" found (by getting past the kid-lock on the bathroom cupboard) and ruined my favorite lipstick. Lipstick under tiny fingernails is OH SO fun to clean up!

My mom (understandably) had a huge emotional breakdown.

Mother Nature brought me a "gift." (Let's pretend I didn't just write that.)

More great moms applied to be the Verity Mom. Including a professional blogger. She probably has a clean house and nice handwriting too. Grrr.

My husband got a speeding ticket. Okay, that was actually a couple of days ago, but I was still really mad about it yesterday.

Jeep whined. CeCe fussed.

And some other stuff. That I can't think of today. But it sure seemed like a really bad day. Except for the moments when it didn't. Like when we took a walk as a family to the local park. And during the phone calls from dear friends who wanted me to know they love me and are thinking of me and my family. And when my husband put the kids to bed so I could go to the gym. And when I was eating the brownie sundae I made when I got home.

So maybe it wasn't exactly a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. But I hope today is better.

I Don't Like This Sandwich

In the middle of this weekend's usual events -- dishes, bedtime routines, a trip to the store -- and extraordinary events -- homemade raspberry pancakes, our 10th wedding anniversary, an afternoon to myself -- I received a call that my dad had been admitted to the hospital and appears to have had a stroke.  Diaper changes and meal preparations were suddenly interrupted by frequent phone calls, sobbing fits and internet searches for flight schedules to Montana.  His condition is stable enough that the testing that will give insight into what happened has to wait for the holiday to pass.  So I am on hold.  And in limbo. Sandwiched between worrying about my dad and working with my kids.  I pick up CeCe's stack of blocks and at the same time I fall apart at the thought of my dad struggling to communicate.  My dad!  One of the most talkative, verbal and opinionated people I know.  I sit and sound out words with Jeep and I get a lump in my throat because, in his current state, my dad can't remember how to read.  My dad!  The one who taught me to love reading with his example of devouring book, after book, after book.

As a parent myself, I don't have the freedom to give my dad all the attention I want to give him.  I want to be on a plane yesterday.  I want to be at the hospital asking questions, holding his hand and making sure my mom gets time off to rest and eat.  But who will look after our kids while I take care of my dad?  Do I take one or both or none with me?  What favors do we call in from friends and neighbors and when?  How can we choose between the plane tickets and preschool tuition?  How do we make responsible financial decisions for our family -- our whole family?  There isn't a guidebook or one clear black and white answer right now.  And so I pray for the strength to make the best decision I can -- for my kids, my husband, my self, and especially for my dad.

Celebration Saturday

Happy tenth wedding anniversary to us!  We had a lovely evening out at Cinebarre and Preservation Kitchen.  One of my favorite parts of the whole day was my husband's facebook status update: "Loving the Sunni side of life for 10 years and counting."  Awwwwww.  Just one of the thousands of reasons he is the one for me.

Favorite Photo Friday

This week our family picked blackberries at our neighborhood park.  We came home with two quarts!  I made a cobbler with one quart and we ate the rest over the next couple of days.  CeCe LOVED them!

Smells Like A Budget In Here

This post was written as part of my application to be the Verity Mom for Verity Credit Union so it also appears online at www.veritymom.com.

Before I stopped "working for money" (my previous career) to "work for love" (become a stay-at-home-mom,) I saved a little chunk of change for use in case of emergency as we transitioned to living on one salary. Every month I would find myself writing a check from savings to cover any number of "emergencies"-- from date nights (cheaper than marriage counseling, I told myself) to new shoes (on SALE) and car repairs (okay, that truly is an emergency.) And yet I was surprised when I realized the fund was nearly depleted. How did that happen?! Wouldn't I have noticed the rapid decline? Well… the truth is, I didn't. Two young kids kept both my husband and me very busy and our finances were not getting the attention they deserved. We had made a few spending changes and I was proud that we weren't using our credit cards, but for the most part we were living like we did when we both drew a salary.

After a brief period of panic and worry, I reminded myself that living within our means is a choice. I knuckled down and went carefully over our fixed expenses and bank records and made a budget. Candidly, it was EYE-OPENING! We are fortunate to have enough money coming in to cover our daily needs, but we don't have a lot of wiggle room. A couple of expensive dinners out, a few thoughtless purchases and one of those ever-present unanticipated expenses and wham-o, we are over budget! No wonder the emergency fund evaporated.

Now we pay fixed expenses with our online banking and liquid expenses with cash that comes out of an old-school envelope system. In our family are certainly still learning how to use our budget muscles -- we've been out of shape for a while. It isn't easy, but the challenge is balanced with a great feeling of satisfaction. I know I am making good choices for my family and our future which brings me more pleasure than the convenience purchases I was making before.

Today, instead of buying a treat from a Starbucks drive-thru (a too-busy mom's snack salvation), we are having fresh baked cookies. The grocery store had Marie Callender's Chocolate Chip Cookie mix on sale for $1.79 so even when I add butter and eggs, I'm getting a dozen cookies for less than I would have spent on two cookies a few months ago. And a mix is still manageable for a too-busy mom. It isn't true every minute, but right now, living on a budget smells pretty sweet.

Light the Fire

I've written many, many blog posts since last September... unfortunately they have all been in my head! But a couple of weeks ago I found something that inspired me to return to the actual keyboard.


A local credit union is basically having a contest... for a part-time job as a "mommy-blogger" and spokesperson! I am a little surprised that I am so interested and excited by this idea. I tend to be a bit of skeptic and I get frustrated at how marketing departments can push, push, push for never-ending, thoughtless and wasteful consumerism. But this seems different. Sure Verity CU is doing this for a reason -- and I'm sure a numbers-based reason -- but it feels like there is heart behind it. That while they want to find new customers, they are also interested in those customers on a more holistic level. And that yes, their research shows that moms make most of the buying decisions in a family and so, of course, let's capture those banking customers, but let's also make their lives a little bit easier by giving them a space, and a voice, that supports the important, all-consuming yet so rewarding work of being a parent.

So, I'm in. I still need to write a blog post for my online application, but yesterday I borrowed a flip camera from a friend to make my application video. Today, I taped myself talking on my back deck while Jeep watched "kids TV" and CeCe took a nap. And the perfectionist, former working-for-money professional, detail-oriented me wanted to shoot it about 25 more times in various outfits, from multiple angles and in different light, BUT the baby woke up after take number 3 and my real-life as an at-home parent brought me back to the sweet reality of "good enough." Afterall, in addition to all I do everyday as a mom, I still need to get the video onto YouTube, finish my Facebook "Sunni Bannon for Verity Mom" fan page, and send a few more Tweets. grin

So thank you, Verity Credit Union for this great idea. It has recharged my blogging brain with loads of new ideas and I'm glad to be back!

And also thank you to Tim who kindly granted me permission to use Verity Credit Union's "Verity Mom" logo.

Favorite Photo Friday

I love every part of this photo: the sibling love, the fun faces they are both making, Jeep's dirty summer feet and the random flashlight!

Two Inches of Independence

Jeeper and I had a quick date yesterday afternoon -- right before his dad and I went on a date for our ninth wedding anniversary. My special time with Jeep was simply a run to our local Fred Meyer for a step stool for our bathroom. We already have a step stool in the bathroom, but one of those little white IKEA ones. When Jeeper stands on it, if he stretches really hard, he can sometimes turn on the hot water. Which means, many times a day, he needs a grown up to help him wash his hands. So after what feels like a million trips to the bathroom, I finally got the brilliant idea to look for a slightly taller step stool.

At the store, Jeep chose a red, folding, "as-seen-on-tv" step stool and he proudly carried it most of the way to the checkout. And I will tell you, those extra two inches have bought us both a whole new world of independence. Now Jeep is able and free to turn on the hot and cold water as well as turn it off. All by himself. So I am free and able not to be there. I love you, sweet independence! At least for today.

Favorite Photo Friday

Happy Ninth Wedding Anniversary today, honey! Thank you for the beautiful flowers. I still can't believe you found the same kind of roses we had in our wedding. You amaze me!

Favorite Photo Friday

"Crazy Hair Day" at Jeeper's preschool. Rock on, my little bub!

Favorite Photo Friday

My dear friend, Bea, had a baby boy just a few weeks after CeCe was born! Here is a shot from their first playdate.

Piggy Bank

For the most part, Jeeper is good at recognizing boundaries. Sure, he negotiates daily and he pushes hard for what he wants when he wants it, but he isn't one of those kids who snatches the decorative items off your mother-in-law's coffee table and he knows to ask for a grown-up's hand before stepping into a parking lot. So he caught me off guard a few months back when he put coins into the CD-player in my car stereo.

He was "playing car" in my car in the garage -- sitting in the parked car (no keys anywhere near for those of you who are questioning my parenting skills) and pretending to drive it. We had gone over the rules a number of times before: no turning on the headlights, honking the horn or playing with the CD-player. Other than that, he could turn the radio dials, flip the windshield wiper lever up and down, push on the hazard light button and imagine he was speeding down the road all he wanted.

As you can imagine, the coins in the CD drive have rendered that part of the stereo inoperable. And neither my husband nor the dealer can get the coins out. Which means that I'll have to replace the stereo system if I want to play CDs ever again. And although I've thought about tapping some of the funds in JP's "Savings" or "Taxes" accounts, for now, I'm opting to rely on the radio. And I must admit I'm enjoying the one small perk of JP's coin adventure -- no children's music! Since all of his music was on CDs, when he demands "kid music" I can calmly remind him that the CD player doesn't work. And when I ask him why, he remorsefully replies, "Because I put money in it." Well, son, how about some good old rock and roll instead?!

Lovesick

Loathers of mush, beware! Excessive adoration below:

I am crazy, madly, punch drunk, head over heels, wildly in love with my kids! Sure, I've got postpartum hormones contributing to the teary-eyed, lump-in-my-throat, shout-from-the-rooftops profession of adoration, but the love is real.


CeCe melts my heart with her little baby sweetness. Her tiny perfect fingers and toes, her fragrant head and soft hair, and how overall she is delicate, soft and warm. I love holding her, cuddling her, changing her, nursing her, rocking her, and just looking at her.

Jeep is my amazing toddler. I am in awe of how he changes daily and delighted with the way he communicates, negotiates and reasons. I think he is undeniably handsome and loads of fun and he is still my cuddle-bug and a perfect combo of ornery and angel.

I'll probably need to come back and read this post after a future power-struggle, tantrum or sassy defiance. But even in the face of parenting's challenges, while the mushy thoughts may fade for a moment, loving these two is the easiest thing I've ever done.

Welcome

Welcome... to any reader who stumbles onto this long-dark blog.

Welcome back... to myself and to writing.

But mostly, welcome to the sweet baby girl born to our family last week!



Here in this "Seattle Sun" space you will be called CeCe - a nickname I chose for you when you were wiggling inside. You are loved and adored by your Daddy, your Mama, your big brother Jeep, and many, many other family members and friends.

A Boy's Blessing

This was originally posted on Blog Mamas on August 18th, 2007.

One evening many months back, when Jeep was younger and more often waking multiple times a night, in a sleep-deprived haze I thumbed through a book of devotions and found a prayer that I have prayed with my son every night since:

Dear God, shelter us under your wings of love. Grant us a peaceful night and a restful sleep.

After the above phrases, I rattle off a list of "God blesses" starting with Daddy, Mama and Jeep. After the three of us, the nightly list would vary widely from every grandparent, aunt, uncle and cousin, to all of Jeep's classmates and the neighborhood pets. A couple of months ago, Jeeper surprised me by interupting me after the word "sleep" and reciting "God bess Daddy, God bess Mama and God bess Jeepee." So sweet. He has been in charge of the "God blesses" ever since! It has been fun to observe nightly who he selects to bless. Daddy and I almost always make the list, but beyond that it may include that day's favorite teacher, one of his stuffed animals or a neighborhood pal.

Last weekend, a good friend was visiting from Oregon and she was sitting on the living room floor with me and Jeep when I told him it was time for his nap. He sunk into my arms and began chanting "God bess Daddy..." I laughed because we don't usually say prayers for naptime but it was funny that he related it to being about to get into bed. Then he said, "God bess Mama," and paused before he pointed to my girlfriend and pronounced, "God bess dat one."